A rose by any other name...

So the other day there was an article in Newsweek that commented on the fact that Barack Obama is always referred to as a "black man with a white mother" and never a "white man with a black father". It was just a sidebar in the article, and certainly one can argue that he is considered "black" because he has a darker skin tone then say, I do. But either way, it certainly made me think about how we label people.

I have always been annoyed with the term "working mother". I use it a lot (its even in my blog title) because it's part of our vernacular. But I don't like it. Even aside from the whole issue that it presumes moms who are at home aren't working, it actual bothers me more for another reason. Have you ever heard of a "working father"?!?! Nope. Nobody every says that. And why not? Shouldn't working fathers have the same anxiety, stress, angst, stigma, status, etc. of working moms? Why are men just men and women are categorized based on their status as a caregiver? My husband (who happens to be very involved in our children's care) is just a guy with a job. I am a "working mother". That is so annoying.

We make lots of excuses about why women are always assumed to be the primary caregiver of our children -- its traditional, its instinctual, etc. But I am starting to wonder if these are maybe just excuses. Excuses that stop men (not you, honey) from taking equal responsibility in the raising of their children. Who says men don't have the same instinctual nature to rear their young that women do? History and tradition aren't good enough. I think ALL women need to expect more from men. Expect them to want to partner in raising their kids. Expect them to take equal responsibility for taking care of them when they are sick, playing with them when they are happy, consoling them when they are sad, teaching them how to be good people, and disciplining them when they misbehave.

I think there are men who do this. We all need to expect the rest of them to want the same.

I will get off my soapbox now.

Mars is Not Quite Far Enough Away

So one day last week I was having coffee with some colleagues. The two men were single -- one in his mid-20s, and one in his early 30s. The one in his twenties was saying that he had been dating his girlfriend for 3 1/2 years, and was thinking he'd have to decide about marriage soon. He said he just couldn't see it - how can you give up ever dating again? The other one agreed. I just stared. WHAT?? One of the biggest benefits of marriage is that you NEVER HAVE TO DATE AGAIN!!! (after being able to spend you life with the one you love, have kids, security...blah blah blah) I actually started laughing and told them this was the biggest difference between men and women. Men think dating is fun. Most women I know (I actually think, ALL women I know) disagree. Yes, new love, infatuation, etc is fun and exciting. But dating sucks. Trying to figure out another person and put yourself out there. Bye Bye. I pray I never have to do it again. One of my friends pointed out that if bachelor #1 still wanted to date - he was not ready for marriage.