When My Kids Get a Phone

My 10 year old DESPERATELY wants a phone.  That is ridiculous.  She has absolutely no need for a phone.  Together we could only come up with one place she could ever need a phone and not have access to one - on the occasions where I drop her off early at her softball field and she is there without her coach/team.  Otherwise, there is always a responsible adult around who she could ask to make a call for her in case of an emergency. 

Next year when she gets to middle school, she may have more use for a phone, depending on how we handle afterschool, and what she does.  But for now, there is no reason. 

But in a few years, when it could be helpful, I want to remember to do what this lady did.  A mom blogger gave her 13 year old an iPhone for Christmas.  And she made him sign this 18-point contract.  I LOVE it.  It is awesome.  I will probably get my kid a prepaid phone with limited access for her first phone, but the idea is fantastic, and I hope to follow it when the time is right!

Freedom

So, K turned 9 recently (details on her fun party soon). And we are trying to give her little bits of freedom. Last year, I raved about this book. So I am trying to do it (give my children the kind of freedom I had). I mean, my parents used to throw us out of the house with a "see you when the streetlights come on" and that was that. Now my kids have to beg to be allowed to walk around the corner to their friends house without me. Ridiculous.

So yesterday, we arrived at our friends' luau party about 6 (suburban) blocks away (with one busy street on the way). They had a slip & slide and we didn't have suits. I proposed to K that she could walk home and get them. She was psyched. I handed her the house keys, and she set off. I was half convinced she would get home and be afraid to go into the house by herself. But after about 15 minutes, she was back. She ran up, all excited, and said, "mom! I did it!, but 2 things... Is it ok that I drove my bike back? (sure!) and I forgot Big Man's suit, can I go back and get it?" Great! She was so excited, and quickly did it again, and was fine.

We are thinking we will let her go to the library by herself this summer to get out books. We live literally 3 doors from the library. She will have to cross one busy street and a large parking lot, but otherwise very close. She is excited about this idea.

Baby steps people, baby steps.

Letting Go

So I have been struggling with how much freedom to give my now 8 year-old K. She is actually very responsible and has good common sense. I have let her ride her bike around the block alone a bunch of times now, and she loves it. But really, that is all I have felt comfortable letting her do. And that is so ridiculous, really. When I was 8, my parents sent me off in the neighborhood and I would come back when the street lights came on.

So, in trying to figure out what to do, I read a great book. It is called Free-Range Kids. If you are a friend IRL, you are likely to receive this from me in the next few days. The author also has a cool blog. It basically says that the world is really no more scary than we were kids (in some ways LESS) and it is just the media and general paranoia that has overtaken our society.

She debunks this general feeling we all have that strangers will grab our children off the street at any moment. She has actual facts and statistics that are often ignored in media reports. Instead she talks about the good that will come if we let our kids explore, try, god-forbid PLAY outside. It builds confidence, it teaches street-smarts, combats obesity, and generally HELPS our children.

I was recently yelled at by a woman in a car passing my house for letting my children ride their bikes right in front of my house while I was outside watching them. I do not live on a city street. I live on a suburban street that has light traffic. My kids know how to ride their bikes and stay away from parked cars and watch for moving cars. I thought that lady was nuts. Now I am sure.

I am going to let K ride around the block. I may even let her ride to the library (ok, its 1 block away)..and maybe to her friend D's house (although she will have to cross a busy street). This book helps alleviate some fears, and makes me WANT to give my kids some more leeway.

How Much Freedom?

So my oldest is now 8. And I am struggling with how much freedom to let her have. For example, she loves riding her bike. When I am on the porch, I let her ride up and down our street a block or so in each direction. I have let her, a few times, ride around the block by herself. She wants to do more.

I am torn. Part of me remembers tearing around on my bike at her age all around the neighborhood. I also remember my mother letting us out of the house in the morning and expecting us back at lunch, then back out until the street lights came on.

But that is not our world anymore. On the other hand, I want my kids to have a sense of independence. To KNOW they can do lots of things on their own. To not be afraid (but be aware and careful) of the larger world.

HELP! How much is too much and how much is too little? I have a book on my Amazon Wish list - Free Range Kids: Giving Our Children the Freedom We Had Without Going Nuts with Worry. Maybe it will help?

Those of you with older kids - how do you decide?

Calm as the Ocean, Calm as the Ocean

When K was an infant I heard a child psychologist speak and she said that regardless of what behavior your child was exhibiting your job as a parent was to act like an emergency room nurse. Deal with the problem without letting emotion, fear, etc enter into it.

Man is that hard. When my kids are tantruming it is difficult not to get caught up in the drama and emotion. I cringe when I hear myself yelling.

I thought this was a great article on Businessweek.com that talks about how to be a better boss at home and on the job. Now I am not anyone's boss at work. And despite the occasional protests, I AM the boss of my children. I thought this article was a good reminder of this technique.

You Know You're A Mom When...

among the contents of my (actually pretty small) purse:

• rice krispy treat
• multiple pony tail holders
• pink sash from Bippiti Boppiti Hair Boutique
• package of fruit snacks
• a green crayon

• Excedrin tension headache medicine

The fridge in my office also contains a sippy cup of milk (i found a week or so ago in my purse after daycare dropoff).

Once in a Blue Moon

Once in a while I do something and think "I'm so glad we did that". One came this Thanksgiving while we were in MA visiting my Dad. On Thanksgiving day, K started to spout out all she had learned about the first Thanksgiving and the Pilgrims, etc. When she finished talking, I turned to her and said, "you know, Plymouth Rock is only about 40 minutes from here." She said, "IT IS??!!! CAN WE GO??" So we did. The next morning we all hoped in the car and headed out to Plymouth Rock. We saw the rock, the Mayflower II, and the exhibits. And we took pictures and saved brochures and stuff for K's teacher. On the Monday after Thanksgiving she brought everything in. Her teacher let her do an impromptu show and tell to all her classmates about Plymouth Rock AND let her make a display on a bulletin board for the whole class. (How cool a teacher is that?!!)




She was so proud. And I was so psyched we just did it - instead of thinking "uh..its 40 minutes away, and its cold, and I don't feel like going, etc". We just did it and it was so worth it.

I love when sometimes we are spontaneous and just DO IT!

Want to Play a Game?

So our girls LOVE games. Virtually any kind of game will do. They particularly like Uno, Hungry Hippos, and Connect Four. Just recently we pulled out our old Nintendo 64 and showed them Mario Cart. They have also tried Viva Pinata on XBox. DH and I like games too, so it has been fun. The difficult part is figuring out games we can all play. Four of us can pretty successfully play Mario Cart, but we haven't figured out what to do with Big Man. Often he is happy sitting on someone's lap while we play.

It is also hard on K, who wants to play more advanced games, but with Big Man around, it is hard to keep him from taking pieces or otherwise messing things up. She really loves Rush Hour Jr, which is hard to play with Big Man around, cuz he wants to play with the cars.

Any good family games you would recommend?

Things I LOVE About Parenting

One of my greatest joys of being a parent is seeing how my kids treat each other. Now, my kids are little, and I know the sibling wars are coming, but for now, it is so cute.

Big Man LOVES his big sisters - especially K. K can do no wrong in his eyes. And she knows it and loves it. She is the first to run and get him his blanky if he is getting upset. If he is crying she will go pick him up. They are sooo cute together.

B worships K as well. She is always wanting to do and say exactly what K is doing/saying. If K is wearing a dress, B wants to wear a dress. If K is jumping, B will jump. And K does a pretty good job of putting up with it. They share a room - and often a bed. I love when I come up to check on them and they are like puppies sleeping - all piled on top of each other - legs and arms all around. It is so cute.

K is really a great big sister. She is amazing with Big Man and puts up with B's following her every step. Not always - apparently yesterday morning she told B she hated her (which lead to a discussion about the use of the word hate), but usually she puts up with it and tries to help B when she is doing things beyond her skills.

It is really just great to watch.

Overscheduled

I am officially one of those moms. I have totally over scheduled my poor 6 year old. She has soccer (one practice a week, one game on the weekend), ballet (once a week), and swimming (once a week). So now on, she goes to school. At 6 (or hopefully a bit before) I pick her up at extended day, have her put on her shin guards and socks, and walk out to the soccer field. At 6:45 (15 minutes early) we get up and walk back to our house (thank GOD our house, the school, and the field are so close!). When we get there, B is waiting in her bathing suit, with a grilled cheese sandwich in her hand for K. We all climb in the car and drive like crazy to swimming across town. On the way K eats her "dinner". We run in, and both girls do swimming. Not sure when K puts her bathing suit on. Last night we managed it after Extended Day (under the soccer clothes). Too crazy.

Sadly, Saturdays may be the same way with Ballet 20 miles away, and Soccer games moving around in terms of time.

Meanwhile B only has swimming, and Big Man gets nothing.

Ah well....the joys of parenting!

Bumbo Seat Usage for Dummies

They recalled the Bumbo seat. They recalled the bumbo seat mostly because kids were getting out of it and falling off counters and tables. What kind of morons put their kids in these seats on top of counters and tables. And, moreover, left them unattended when they did. The recall is here. Seriously. The Bumbo says right on it "Never use on a raised surface. Never use as a car seat or bath seat. Designed for floor level use only. Never leave your baby unattended as the seat is not designed to be totally restrictive and may not prevent release of your baby in the event of vigorous movement.” Its imprinted on the darn thing. And now they are recalling it because stupid-as# people put the Bumbo on a table and left their kid there to topple off. Do we really need to protect ourselves from this kind of idiocy?

Don't get me wrong, I have accidentally let more than one kid of mine fall to the floor from a high surface. And I have been VERY lucky that none of them have been hurt. But do I blame the table manufacturer for making a surface without rails that my child could fall off of?

This just burns me for some reason. I love the Bumbo. It is so adorable! My baby loved the bumbo before he entered the stage where he just wants to run around putting whatever he can find on the floor in his mouth. Hmmm..maybe we should recall my vacuum cleaner for failing to continuously pick up all those pieces from the floor (despite not being run)....

Mean What You Say

So I have a friend whose kids are older - one is a preteen and one is a certified teenager. Whenever I have a weak parenting moment I remember a story she told me. About a year ago her 14-year old was copping quite the attitude (let me premise this by saying she is a charming, well-behaved girl!). Anyway, my friend and her husband had really had it. The husband said to his daughter - you will act respectfully or you will lose your right to privacy in this house. The girl, being a teenager, ignore him and continues with the attitude. The dad says - seriously, if you keep this up, I will take the door off your room. The girl doesn't change. Dad gets up, walks upstairs, takes the door off the hinges and gets rid of the door. The girl freaks out - I can't have no privacy! and gets a sheet to pin up. Mom steps in and says -- nope, dad said no privacy. Girl demands privacy - how will she get dressed? Mom points to the perfectly good bathroom next door with a door. The parents stuck with it for nearly a year.

I LOVE that story. Taking off the door -- how cool is that?! You KNOW their daughter thought that was NEVER going to happen. DH and I have always believed that when you make a threat or say you are going to do something while disciplining your kids (or whenever, really) you have to stick with it. Sometimes it is hard, when you say something crazy or that will be a major inconvenience - but you gotta stick with it. Whenever I get weak, I remember this story. You can always remove the door.