Let me start off by saying I do not feel any guilt about sending my kids to daycare. I am a much better mommy for working, and they are more enriched then I could make them if I stayed at home (what with all the screaming, crying and tantrums - oh and they'd probably get upset too).
I also don't read "mommy war" or other "how she does it - type books". But this one was suggested by a good friend - who happens to be a sahm. The book is called "Perfect Madness" by Judith Warner. I am only about 1/3 of the way through it - but it has made me think. It makes me want to live in France. In the book the author talks about living there, and the completely different attitude about adult lives and parenting lives. From her description it seems as though the French culture emphasizes parents still leading adult lives while having children. Compared to the sort of frantic - must be doing something to enrich my kids lives every spare moment we have going on in the US today. People there certainly do things with their kids but they also do things without them - go out to dinner, read books, etc. They seem much less kid-focused. And not guilty at all about it. In fact, the author writes that the French would be perplexed by someone who was guilty about it. Very interesting, at least so far. Will probably provide bigger picture review when I am done.
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6 comments:
Oh my goodness, this sounds like a great book! I have often wondered what happened between my mom's generation and ours when it came to having kids. When I was growing up my mom (nor the moms of my friends) didn't play with us 12 hours per day. She did her own thing while we did ours. And it was OK back then. Now, if you're not with your children 100% of the time, you are often looked at as a bad mother, which is simply not true!
I have to check this one out. Things have gotten a little crazy with the "mommy madness" these days.
This totally sounds like my cup of tea!! I whole-heartedly agree with sending kids to daycare or some other form of organized care prior to school. I think it's great for them and they get so much more out of it than they would if I kept them at home!! Also, I feel, very strongly, that it is important to maintain adult activities once you have children. My husband and I spend at least one night a week away from our daughter. I think it makes us better parents not to be so totally focused on her all the time. I admit, when I am with her, I am REALLY with her and focused on her, but it's ok to have your own adult interests and hobbies!!
I'm all about ME time. I need it. It helps me destress and in turn, helps me be a better Mom. Happy Working Mom's comment is me. I'm a SAHM, but am not on the floor with Morgan all day. She plays, I do my thing, we play together and then go back to our own thing. I feel guilt for it, but on the other hand? If she wasn't happy, she'd let me know.
This book sounds great and one I'm going to have to check out :)
mom guilt stinks! I hate mom guilt...I hate that I feel mom guilt...
i'm packing my bags now.
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